Today is the last Monday of the 2010-2011 school year. It is the last Monday that I will have a third grader and a kindergartner. Somehow, not having a kindergartner AND having a fourth grader just makes them seem... so... soo BIG! Oh how I hate that! As I look forward to the full NINE WEEKS of summer that we get for the first time since Madeline has been school-age, I think back to what we've learned, even just this past week.
Dearest Madeline,
You are a sweet angel and I love you more every single day! This week brought a tough lesson for you and me. Thursday morning rolled around and even though I'd asked several times if you had your biography paper rewritten to turn in, you went to school with it not finished. I so desperately wanted to let you go in late and finish it so that it wouldn't be late. It wasn't that I wanted to let you go free of consequence but that I initially wanted to do the consequence at home... and then God spoke words to my heart that I did not want to hear. "Love and Logic. What would the logical consequences of her actions be?" Oh, it so broke my heart because I knew how much it broke yours. I talked with Mrs. Rothman and we agreed on the consequence of your being sent to the office to finish the paper because you'd simply chosen to not work at all while at school. You cried and cried about having to go to the principal's office and my heart shattered at the thought of leaving you at school crying. Every morning my goal is to get you off to school on a happy note and ready to face the day. This is the first time you've gone into JWE crying and I just hated it! "I'm not a bad kid" you said about your trip to the office. "No, sweetheart, you're not but you made a bad choice and bad choices have consequences." I know that you understood that you earned the consequences that you would face but just in case I told you again how wonderfully God made you and how proud I am of who you are... not the choice to refuse to do your work... but who you are as a person. I am proud of you Madeline. You have the most giving heart of any person I've ever met. You really are comfortable in your own skin and I wish I was more like you... especially now that it's swimsuit season! You faced your consequence, worked hard while you were there and you did not complain. Allowing you to face the logical consequence to your action taught us both. You learned that you cannot simply not work because you don't feel like it. I learned that my job is not to protect you from everything... and sometimes to let you hurt. For if I keep you from every single painful experience, you will never learn, grow or mature. I love you way too much for that!
Today you came and confessed a mistake to me. Again, I held you accountable by not letting you do what you knew you should not and then took some time to cuddle you. When you walked away you kissed me and said "You're a nice mom." You, my sweet girl, are an amazing human being and I am so grateful that I have the privilege of being your mom!
Sweet Funny Gavin,
I had so much fun with you on your field trip last Monday. It was with your third grade buddy whose name I can never remember but he was a sweet kid. It was fun to see how he took care of you throughout the day. You were in full out "Gavin mode" running full force and getting into everything. You even took a walk straight into one of the water gardens in the Climatron at the Botanical Gardens. We all laughed but you did not see as much humor until a couple of days later. You were sensitive, like you sometimes are. You certainly are a vast array of emotions at times. It's hard to know what's going to come from you but I know that whatever it is, it's coming straight from your heart... anger from a sometimes selfish heart... sadness from an embarrassed heart... silliness from a confident heart... or laughter from a full heart. No matter what it is, you always want to know the same thing "Are you accepted and loved?" I fear that you get this from me... this uncertainty about being loved. Not that I haven't loved you but that it's some weird part of my genome that you've had the misfortune to inherit... I wonder the same about your short fuse. I pray that you know that you ARE loved... and not just by me. Everywhere we go people know and adore you. From the time you began Mother's Day Out people have been stopping us at stores to say hi to you. You have an excitement and fun-loving spirit about you and people genuinely like being with you. As your mom, it's so fun to see and I just wonder what God's intention for you is. At your kindergarten program this week you said that when you grow up you want to be "an army man." I wonder if you will. You've almost always chosen a profession that protects others... firefighter, police and army man have been the most consistent. Whatever God intends for you, I pray that you'll listen to Him and follow with unwavering confidence that He created you just for that purpose and with Him, you cannot fail and I pray that you'll know that you are loved with a love that never ever ends!
So, onward we go to the summer. In four days I'll be a mom to a first grader and a fourth grader and I can't wait!
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