Today these are the words that describes how I am feeling but it's not a bad thing at all. It's actually one of the sweetest things I've ever experienced. "Humbled" would be another word to describe the condition of my heart today. Funny, though, I always thought that when a person was humbled that it would hurt but that's not the case here either. Finally, I am also "Amazed" and it feels exactly like it sounds!
As I posted here, God has allowed me to start a program at the kids' school to provide students whose families are struggling financially with food over the weekends. As I posted here, with the increase in poverty in this country statistics show that "one in four children in the country is living without consistent access to enough nutritious food to live a healthy life." The program has been going for one month, as of this week, and it has been an absolutely A-MAZ-ING experience! You know how when you first become parents and that sweet cooing sound is just your most favorite thing in the world to hear.... until that baby first says "ma ma" or "da da"... which it's usually da-da first which I think it totally unfair!... but even if it is da-da, you think it's the sweetest sound you've ever heard! Well, I have discovered a new favorite sound in my life.... It's the sound of people sneaking up to my front door to put food in the plastic tub for Bear necessities! It makes me smile and brings just deep gratitude every single time!
This week was a great test for Bear Necessities... in more ways that I can post at this time... but in one way because next week begins our fall break. We had two weekends worth of food that we needed in the same amount of time that we usually collect for one. I admit, at times it was a conscious effort to not allow my mind to wonder "ok. If the food doesn't come, then..." I continuously took the thought captive and reminded myself that my God is Jehovah-Jireh, THE-GOD-WHO-PROVIDES. At this moment, I am soooo excited to say that there is SOOOO MUCH food in my basement for these kids that as I put each can on the shelf this morning I reminded myself with each one "God will provide" over and over... with every.single.can! I came upstairs and told Madeline and Gavin about it and asked Gavin what "Jehovah-Jireh" meant and we double high fived when he said "The God Who Provides!" Be still my heart! We still need ten jars of peanut butter and 14 jars of jelly but that's nothing for God. HE.WILL.PROVIDE!
So, as I've been in awe today of all that God has provided... and literally, I promise that only a fraction has even been mentioned in this post.... I was reminded of my very first post this year, here. I asked God to amaze me with who He is and His character and WOW (In my best Joey Lawrence voice... go ahead and read it again for the effect) WOW! HAS HE! He is the God who provides and that makes me feel unworthy. Unworthy to love Him in the way He deserves. Unworthy to worship Him properly. How could I ever? It makes me feel humbled. Why would he use me? What is He thinking trusting ME with something to dear to His heart? But it's not about me, though I've come to know that when He looks at me what He sees is entirely different than what I think of me. He is the God who takes a "willing, scared half to death, ill-equipped vessel" (quote from the lovely Beth Moore) and does what cannot be done without Him. He is the God who is able. He is the God who is grace. He is the God who redeems and lifts us up from the bottom of the pit. He is AMAZING!
I am BEYOND amazed and as God continues to show me each step that He has ordained in this journey, I am excited to share just how He amazes me!
