I remember sitting in my car a year ago overwhelmed by the fact that once Gavin walked out of the preschool building I would have a kindergartner. I had been so concerned that he just wasn't ready. He was still so wild and crazy sometimes but he had shown signs of maturing in the spring and he'd been reading for over a year so I didn't feel like I had a choice. A bored, hyper little boy is a definite recipe for disaster!
For Madeline, I was ready for third grade. First had been so traumatic with her struggling greatly to find one friend. I hated first grade for her. I hated her first grade year for me. Moms should not have to hold their baby girls who are sobbing while asking "Mom, when will I have a friend who likes me?" Second grade was chaotic, with her teacher being released from his job, but Madeline walked away with friends... good friends and that mattered more to me than her reading level!
This was the first year I had both kids in school and I hope they learned as much as I did!
This year I have learned:
If you begin to instruct them to do things that they cannot do because they are young and you patiently stay consistent, everyday lovingly encouraging them, kids can do immeasurably more than I ever dreamed! Gavin's daddy has done this very very well and I'm VERY VERY grateful! Daddy's ARE so important to little boys.
To any dad out there in cyber-world that might take the time to read this: you are sculpting a MAN and you have the power to shape him into a good one. Take your job VERY SERIOUSLY because that little bitty guy watches you more than you can know!
Boys just play differently. They do! I already knew this but a year of kindergarten recess taught me that "spinning" is not spinning if you have your "Batman wings" out. It's way tougher then. Boys believe in fairy tales too and when they see a common girl marry a prince and become a princess, it makes them want to marry a princess... and kiss her! Kindergarten boys can be obsessed with kissing and it makes them giggle like crazy! Teachers are not quite as important as dads... but they're closer than I thought! I knew this too but this year confirmed it for me. Gavin can love another woman and still love his mommy just the same! This year that woman was his amazing kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Crawford and we're both going to have to go back and visit her!
I have learned that if you have failed to convince a kid that the not-so-fun thing you want them to do is not important, they won't do it... at least my daughter won't if it is timed math! It doesn't matter that she's super good at math and can totally do it. Because she knows it's not for a grade and she doesn't like it, it doesn't matter to her. I learned this year that I'm the type of mom that doesn't care about timed math either. If you teach a girl that being a "diva" is not cool and you model good relationships for her and non-diva behavior, she will get up from the table at lunch and go sit with the boys because "they're not so dramatic." If you are a good friend to your child... DISCLAIMER: THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU DO NOT DISCIPLINE THEM
... and you make time to really listen and talk with them about their life, it will teach them how to be a good friend and they'll know exactly what to say to a friend in a difficult situation. It does not, however, matter how much you model keeping your hair out of your face. Some kids just enjoy looking through their hair and walking around looking like "Cousin It." I have learned that this makes me positively insane but that I need to be wiser about the battles I choose. Loving discipline can leave one child crazy mad while another will look you in the face and say "You're a nice mom" despite the fact that you did not give them what they wanted. Which child is which will change from day to day... your loving discipline should not change from day to day. "Mommy-skills" are not defined by the reaction of children... even though it totally feels that way! I am now certain that one of the best things I can do as a mom is allow my kids to face the logical consequences of their actions. When I don't, I keep them from a wonderful learning opportunity. When I do, it hurts both of us like crazy and we'll both totally cry but it's so worth it when they come home wiser than they left!Greatest lesson of kindergarten and third grade for this mommy:
My children are not defined by their occasional... or sometimes not so occasional bad choices. They are a culmination of actions, inactions, attitudes, feelings, beliefs, and all of those change from day to day. To define them by just one of those would be ridiculous. It would show my ignorance. It would frustrate them and limit them terribly.
Fabulously, this means that I am not defined by my occasional... or sometimes not so occasional bad choices. I am a culmination of actions, inactions, attitudes, feelings, beliefs, and some of those change from day to day. To define me by one of those would be ridiculous. It would show my ignorance. It would frustrate me and limit me terribly.
Well, in a few short hours we'll move on to first and fourth grade. I remember going into fourth grade myself, thinking I was SOOOOO old. For the record, I still think fourth grade seems old! Ohwell, we have a whole summer to get ready for it!
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