Dear Papa

Dear Papa,

You've been gone for four weeks.  Some days it seems like it was just yesterday that I could look into your face... Other days it feels like it's been an eternity.  Gavin believes that every bird has been sent to us by you.  He comes running, "Momma LOOK!  I bet Papa sent it!" and I smile great big each time. I do wonder about the beautiful egrets that have camped behind our house for the last month because I've never seen that kind of bird here before.  Either way, it always reminds me of you and makes me smile.

Many years ago you asked my why anyone would want to believe in God.  I know that you wanted me to make sense of all the things that were happening in your life that didn't make sense but I couldn't.  All that I could do was tell you who God was to me, how much you'd love Him and how much He already loved you.  I'm so glad you got to know Him.  I can only imagine the conversations you two are having over the fishing hole about now.  Now, I told you not to get mad if He's catching the bigger fish!

I want you to know that I'm not mad... at you or Him.  I do miss you though.  Some days it hurts so bad that I just don't want to talk to anyone.  I just can't speak or even cry. I AM so grateful that He let us know before your time came so that I could be by your side.  I'm also glad that it didn't take too long because it was killing me to see you hurt.  That last night I prayed for two things:  for Jesus to show you how much He loves you and for Him to come quickly for you.  He did both!  I just wish I could have seen your face when you opened those blue eyes and saw Jesus there!

I don't know how He does it, but I know that you know now... how Jesus is both there with you and here with me.  He is... without a doubt.  Just like I told you so many years ago, you can count on God.  You may not understand everything but He will never leave you and His right hand will hold you.  So, don't worry, He's holding me every single day.  I love you, Papa, forever.

"Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.  If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,  even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."  -Psalm 139:7-10