Sunday Letters... on Monday!

Dear Madeline,

You ran 5K this week and I'm so proud of you. You totally begged to walk and then, a couple of times, defiantly walked even when I said "just a little big more" but I think you did awesome!!! We had a great time being together and learning what it means to push yourself and work a little bit harder than you think you can. I pray that it's a concept that you carry throughout all aspects of life. You also finished your first week of MAP testing and didn't seem the least bit stressed about it. I'm glad for that 'cause, even as a former teacher, I'm still not really sure why it matters but you've assured me that you're doing your best and that's all I ask. Well, maybe it's not all I would ask. Please stop bossing your brother around and correcting everything he does. Poor kid couldn't say a thing right to you last week. Do mom a favor and cut the guy some slack. He really loves you and thinks you're cool. Don't get too big for him cause the reality is, not too many people will love you as much as he does 'cause he REALLY loves you! Friday night was pretty interesting. We went to Good Friday service at church and had to evacuate the sanctuary because of a nearby tornado. You did a great job of not being scared and keeping Gavin distracted when he was. You also really enjoyed the music. "It's just like JoyFM!" you said. I'll be sure to tell the Calvary Worship team that! Yesterday was Easter and you found a ridiculous amount of eggs. Someone should really tell that bunny that you don't need so much candy! You also got some jewelry and some tabs for your bible. I'm really not sure which you liked better, the hoop earrings or the bible tabs. You attacked both with more enthusiasm than I've ever seen on a Christmas morning from you! Love you bunches and bunches and bunches!

Gav-man,

I just love you buddy! You were an absolute angel last night and you melted my heart. I felt crummy all day and even stayed home from Easter dinner. When I was walking out of the room after putting you to bed, you said "Hey Mom. I'm really sorry you're not feeling well." Sigh. You turned me into a puddle of mush... especially since just a few moments earlier you were praying that God would hold off on letting it rain so that Daddy could get his run finished. You can be a bit of a stinker sometimes but you sure do make up for it! You totally made me laugh on Saturday too... well, everyday but we'll just focus on this moment. We were walking to the STL Arch before the Cards game and you said to me "Mom, ya think I could slide down the arch?" When I asked if you thought you could you replied with your standard "pretty much." That's your answer for everything right now. If it's a yes, then we get "pretty much" but if it's no, then it's "pretty much no." Either way we get a "pretty much" and it makes Daddy and I giggle. Your favorite thing in your Easter basket was your One Year Devotions for Boys and you were so proud to take it to Daddy last night to do it together "Because we're boys!" Friday night at church was a sweetest night with you and was soooo good for my heart. During one of the songs, I caught this tiny hand in the periphery of my vision and when I looked over, it was your little hand raised in the air worshiping. At first you just held it about your waist but by the end of the song it was as high as you could get it... and since your Daddy was holding you that was pretty high! At Good Friday service they give index cards that people could write a prayer request on and then nail to these wooden crosses at the front of the church. You REALLY wanted to do it and made me tell you how to spell so that you could write it yourself; "I want to bring glory to God." Big Sigh. It's the reason you were born sweet boy. You practically ran all the way up the aisle, way ahead of me and your sister. Your tiny little frame was weaving in and around people in a way that I couldn't do... at least not without any kind of manners intact. You were standing there when I got to the front and you looked at me and said "I need a hammer, Mom." So I got you a nail and a hammer, held your card in place and the nail with my fingers... said a prayer that you would not break my fingers when you hit them with the hammer as I knew that you would... and I watched with tears flowing as you hammered in that nail. I could see your sister kneeling next to you, watching as you hit the nail, and my fingers, over and over again. I know that there were hundreds of people around us but for me, it was just us three and Jesus and I was overwhelmed by how much God must love me! I pray that for the rest of your life you race to the cross with that same boldness knowing EXACTLY why you were born!

Dear Chris,

It's been a whirlwind of a week, huh? We accomplished Wednesday night with both kids having activities and I was so proud of how patiently you helped Gavin on the baseball field. He desperately needs you to be there teaching him and you do it so well! You also made a big deal out of Madeline's successful 5K and I know that made her feel special, which I love. Thanks for the fun Saturday downtown and at the game and for picking up all the slack yesterday when I didn't feel well. Thank you also for bringing me a cup of jalapenos for the nachos at the game. You know I love them! You totally made me laugh when, five minutes after Gavin asked me if I thought he could slide down the arch, you asked him "Think you could slide down the arch?" You boys are just alike! Love you and I pray that you have a great week!

A Good Friday Narrative

I did not write the following but am changed by it. It is from the sermon notes that Rick Gamache, Senior Pastor of Sovereign Grace Fellowship gave on Good Friday in 2007. I was not there and only heard it online today. This is not his entire sermon but a few parts that spoke to me. Following the passages that rocked me, I will give a link that you may have the privilege to listen as well.



A CRUCIFIXION NARRATIVE

Jesus fell on his face in prayer. He tasted the dirt as he fought for the eternal destinies of his eleven sleeping sheep a stone’s throw away.

“Let the cup pass, daddy,” he cried. “If possible, let the cup pass!”

The Father gazed at his Son. The Son stared back knowingly.

“Your will be done, Father,” whispered the Son.

And the Father held out the cup and Jesus peered in. What he saw there flung him into the throes of agony. He pressed his forehead deep into the dirt, which softened into mud when mingled with his tears. Jesus felt several small explosions of pain underneath the skin on his face. His tiny capillaries in the sweat glands burst under the stress and blood flowed through his pours. It dropped into his eyes. And it stung.

Jesus lifted his head to the sky and cried out, “I will drink from this cup. I will drink from this cup that your glory may be vindicated and my name may be glorified. And so that the sheep you have given me will see our glory and enjoy. I will drink on behalf of our rescue mission.”

Just then, through blurry eyes, Jesus saw the line of torches slithering like a snake up the hill to the garden. The mob arrived. Judas kissed. Friends fled. Soldiers arrested. And Jesus’ world became a swirl of torment and mockery.

...

Jesus was stripped and his hands were tied above his head to a post. A large, shirtless Roman legionnaire stepped toward Jesus fondling a short whip. Several heavy, leather thongs hung off the handle weighed down by the small balls of lead attached near the ends of each. The muscles in the legionnaire’s back and arms bulged as he brought down the heavy whip with full force again and again across Jesus’ shoulders and back and buttocks and legs.

The Jews would have been more merciful—no more than thirty-nine lashes. The Romans extended no such mercy. And the balls of lead yielded large deep bruises. Then the bruises were eventually broken open by the endless blows. The thongs cut through the skin and then they cut deeper into muscles. From behind, Jesus no longer looked human. His skin hung in long, bloody ribbons of tissue.

Fearing they had gone too far and killed Jesus before it was time, the soldiers cut him loose. He fell in an unconscious heap at their feet.

As Jesus came to he was forced to stand. A purple robe, not his own, was wrapped around him and clung to his open wounds. They made him hold a stick—a mock scepter. Now the King of the Jews needed a crown. One of the Romans picked up a thorn branch from a pile of firewood and braided it into a circle. Never did thorns compose so rich a crown— or so painful a crown. Another soldier took the mock scepter from Jesus’ hand and beat the crown into his skull. Bloody sweat blinded him. And his stinging eyes momentarily took his mind off the pain in his back.

But then the purple robe was torn from Jesus. And ribbons of flesh that had adhered to the cloth were ripped off with its removal. Each wound had a voice to shriek its pain. And Jesus collapsed again.

...

At the top of the hill the merciful centurion hands Jesus a cup. Jesus sniffs the liquid. It’s wine mixed with myrrh, a mild narcotic to dull the pain. But Jesus is meant to feel all the pain. He hands the cup back. This is not the cup of the Father.

...

The beam becomes his pillow now. Two men take hold of his hands. The soldier on his left yanks his arm as far as it will go. The soldier to his right is gentler. Jesus turns to him. It is the merciful centurion again. He picks up a cold spike and places it to Jesus’ wrist. Then he picks up a hammer. Their eyes meet. Eternal Love shines forth again and the centurion is undone. He looks away and lifts the hammer.

...

Jesus is lifted on his crossbeam to the post. He sags held only by the spikes in his wrists. Jesus designed the median nerves in his arms that are now working perfectly. The pain shoots up those nerves and explodes in his skull as the crossbeam is set in place.

...

His left foot is now pressed against his right foot. Both feet are extended, toes down. A spike is driven through the arch of each. His knees are bent.

Jesus immediately pushes himself up to relieve the pain in his outstretched arms. He places his full weight on the spikes in his feet and they tear through the nerves between the metatarsal bones. Splinters from the post pierce his lacerated back—searing agony.

Quickly waves of cramps overtake him. Deep, throbbing pain from his head to his toes. He’s no longer able to push himself up and his knees buckle.

He’s hanging now by his arms. His pectoral muscles are paralyzed and his intercostals are useless. Jesus can inhale, but he cannot exhale. His compressed heart is struggling to pump blood to his torn tissue. He fights to raise himself in order to breathe and in order to speak.

He looks down at the soldiers now gambling for his clothes. He pushes himself up through the violent pain to pray aloud, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they do.”

...

It’s noon now. The rain falls harder and the clouds blacken. Jesus looks down through wet strands of hair into the familiar face of a woman. A new pain grips him—greater pain than all the whips and spikes in the Kingdom of Rome. It’s his mother. She’s sobbing so hard her breathing is as labored as his. Without words she looks into his eyes and begs to know why. He longs to hold her and to tell her that it’s all for her. He pushes upward and says, “Woman, woman.” He looks his friend John in the eyes. John is standing behind Mary supporting his own weeping mother. “He is now your son.”

The above is but a sampling of what is in the following audio that you can and should hear. There are so many gripping visual details in this narrative but one thing that captured me was that in His pain and inconceivable agony, Jesus was consoling others. He was already dying for our eternal salvation but even amid all that was going on, it was His dear sheep that were His concern.

THAT is the God I serve... the God I could NEVER deserve...
the God who chose me.

Happy Good Friday Everyone!



CRUCIFIXION NARRATIVE AUDIO BY RICK GAMACHE

Life

It is less about what's been done to me
and more about my response to it.

It is less about the thoughts that pop into my head
and more about on what I choose to dwell.

It is less about the wounds inflicted upon me
and more about the strength of the scar.

You see, life is not easy at times
and the greatest difference between a victim and a survivor...
the the willingness to take responsibility for oneself.

Sunday Letters

Dear Madeline,

"You did it!" are the words we finally saw on a timed math test! I've been telling you from day one, seven months ago, that I knew you could accomplish the task... despite hearing over an over "it's soooo hard" and you did. When I asked you "what did you think when you got them all?" you replied, "I almost fainted!" I just love you! You also impressed me by RUNNING at Girls on the Run this week... another thing that I know you'll eventually believe you can do. This week we'll be running the practice 5K together and I can't wait. I'm totally out of practice so I'm not sure who'll have to be gentle with whom! Last night we went to church with Mackenzie and Michelle Richardson and then to see Natalie Grant, Brandon Heath and Mercy Me. You picked out a Natalie Grant t-shirt and that was appropriate because you definitely sang along a lot more with her than the other two. By the time Mercy Me came on, you were on my lap wishing it was bedtime. I love that you'll still crawl up in my lap, despite the fact that you take up my ENTIRE lap, and that when you're feeling tired and a little cranky, you want me. :)

Gavin Gavin,

That's what your friend Jack calls you and sometimes it just comes out. It always makes me laugh. You have enjoyed playing with your birthday presents... so much so that I'm even more glad that it's getting warmer and you can go outside and play this coming week! You and Daddy finished your biggest Star Wars Legos ship yet and you were so excited to show it to me. It has these crazy wings that move up and down and you are so very impressed with it! Something new you have started doing this week is crawling in bed with Daddy in the mornings. You were never the kid to come get in our bed and it makes me giggle when you do it now. I simply cannot say no to crawling back in when you look at me and say "Mom, want a little cuddle?" This is going to be a crazy week for you. You have baseball practice and your first machine-pitch game. I can't wait to see how you love it! Oh and I almost forgot, a story that Daddy told me today that made me convinced that God is already answering your prayer for wisdom... a fact alone that melts my heart. Yesterday you were playing outside and just came in and started taking your shoes off. When Daddy asked why you'd come in... because you never WANT to come in... and you said that someone had started being mean and you just thought it was what was best to do. Sigh. I love you boy!

My love, Chris,

We're doing our kitchen!!! This week we made almost all of the decisions and today we signed a contract to get it going. We have waited, worked and SAVED SAVED SAVED to be able to do this! Thank you for making me be a saver as it's completely against my natural I've-got-money-let's-go-shopping mentality. Your love has helped me be a better person.

Sunday Letters... a new tradition

My sweet friend, Katie, does these wonderful letters to her kids on Sundays on her blog and I thought it such a great idea that I asked to steal it... is it stealing if I ask, though? Anyway, she let me know that she had "stolen" the idea herself from another bloggin' momma who writes to her kids and hubs. Wherever the original idea came from, I love it and so here is my very first set of Sunday Letters...

My Sweet Beautiful Madeline,

I know that you are beautiful even though I can hardly see your face through the hair that is constantly in it! We are in such a battle over your hair my sweet little bug! It's long and wonderful, EXCEPT for the fact that you don't want to pin the front back and it tends to just fall in your face where you "like it like that." Sigh. Mommy does not! This week you also took to wearing bandannas and scarfs in your hair, which did alleviate the hair in your face but totally made you look like a pirate because you wanted to wear it really wide. While I told you that it made you look like a pirate, it wasn't until others said it too that you looked at me with that "I guess you were right, Mom" face. I cannot imagine what it will be like when you're a teenager and REALLY think I don't know anything! Today, however, you let me put the tiniest little french braid in the front of your hair and all day long I could see the perfect little freckles on your nose and your super long blonde eyelashes and your beautiful blue eyes and perfect lips. The only thing that takes my breath away more than your pretty face is your amazing heart. Monday of this week we took the cash that you got for your birthday and some from mine and bought food for the church food pantry. I also delivered your birthday presents to Pastor Daryl to send to Home of Joy in Mexico. The face that at eight you decided to give all of your birthday presents to orphans and at nine still said "Mom, I just don't need all of these things and they don't have as much as I do" blows me away. Angel girl, you amaze me, humble me and fill me with wonder.

To "The Boss" aka: Gavin

Gavin Peyton, you are the funniest kid on earth, at least your momma thinks so! You counted down the days til your birthday with the most amazing joy and enthusiasm. The night before you slept horribly, which is not like you at all, and so we finally let you sleep on the chaise in our room. When we woke you up on your birthday you sat up, smiling, before you even opened your eyes! You are just precious to me!!! Daddy made your favorite breakfast and I took cupcakes to school for you to share. I felt so sorry for Mrs. Crawford and Ms. A because you and Zachary had BOTH brought cupcakes for your birthday. Talk about some sugared up kindergartners! It's a good think God made them part angel! You were excited to see me for lunch and I have to say, there's nothing like having lunch with a table of six year old boys! I'd have totally cracked up in the car on the way home when you announced to Madeline, Ethan and Evan "It's my birthday and that means I'm the boss!" except for the fact that you were sooooo totally full of yourself! You've continued to think you're the boss all weekend and have not been happy with Daddy or me when we burst that bubble but you have had a great time anyway. Your video game/laser tag party was a HUGE hit with all the boys and totally confirmed that I do not need to have ten six year old boys in my house! Wow! The energy is nothing short of A-MAZ-ING when you're all together !!! We've found a restaurant you like more than El Maguey... Maggiano's and who can blame you there? You devoured three plates of salad and two plates of alfredo but... I think you're the only boy that refuses cake, cookie cake and ice cream for his birthday. If you ate a cupcake at school, that's all you've had. You've refused it every time I offered you silly little man! Goodness, I love you so much I can hardly stand it!


Dear Chris,

I won't go into all the cute and funny things you did this week... I know it would only embarrass you... that or make you vomit! You are the kind of husband that most men should aspire to be. That's all. oh, and I love you.



A big thanks to my in-laws for coming in to celebrate birthdays with us. We hadn't celebrated Chris' or his sister-in-law, Kasey's, from last month either so we did all of those too. It was fun to have them stay with us and spend some time with Brad, Kasey and Naomi too. Love you guys!

Open our eyes, LORD, so that we may see

Sometimes I just get overwhelmed by all that I see around me. Everywhere I look there is something that is not right. Honestly, I hardly ever watch the news because there's just so much on it that brings me sadness... broken children and broken adults all living in a broken world. From the guy in Illinois who is currently in jail for murdering his wife and family to the Brown father who was just sentenced for sexually abusing his three daughters, and then you throw in unemployment, divorce statistics, and international news. There are some days that I just feel broken for our world for everything I see with my human eyes is a big ugly mess! Do you ever feel that way?

Every day, for several days, when I awoke I have had the song "Day after Day" by Kristian Stanfill in my head. "Day after day our God is reigning. He's never shaken. My hope is in the Lord. Day after day our God is faithful, trustworthy savior. My hope is in the Lord." Circumstances all around me in life, with family, friends, acquaintances, is in chaos... serious chaos and in every situation it seems, with all that I can see, that Satan is reigning. There is sin. There is sin. There is sin and the consequences of that sin is breaking my heart. This morning I came before the Lord and prayed this prayer: Lord, I KNOW it is YOU that is reigning. I know that but will you just give us something, that we can see, to remind us of that?

As I prayed, I was brought to 2 Kings 6:8-23. In this part of scripture, the king of Aram was at war with Israel. He begins to get totally frustrated because at every turn Israel's king seems to have been warned of what his plan is. He even asks his officers "Will you not tell me which of us is on the side of the king of Israel?" It is then that he learns that there is not traitor at all but that the prophet Elisha tells the king of Israel everything, even "the very words you speak in your bedroom." Upon hearing this he sends his troops to get Elisha and he didn't just send one or two. It says that he sent horses and chariots and a strong force to get him. Now, I'm not going to get into how ridiculous it is that he thought that he could capture Elisha when it was Elisha that God was telling what he was saying in the privacy of his own bedroom. Did he think that God would fail to let Elisha in on that little tid bit? Regardless, the army surrounded the city where Elisha was and in the morning when Elisha's servant awoke he saw the army all around them. Here's just the first place that you just gotta love Elisha. When his servant asks "Oh, my lord, what shall we do?" his response is a quick and easy "Don't be afraid. Those who are with us are more than those who are with them." That's some pretty amazing faith, isn't it? Scripture doesn't even say that Elisha got up out of bed, did some desperate praying, consulted wise elders... Elisha knew and trusted the Lord to defend him. Elisha knew who he lived for and in whose hand he rested.

At that time, Elisha did not do what I might have done. I probably would have prayed that God would drop the army dead where they stood so that I could sit down and enjoy my morning coffee and quiet time but not Elisha. For his servant Elisha prayed that God would open his eyes so the he could see the hills full of horses and chariots of fire that stood around Elisha protecting him. He also prayed that God would strike the Aram army blind. Both of these things happened and the next part kind of cracks me up. It says that Elisha went out to the army... yes, the army that had come to capture him... and he told them that they were on the wrong road and then led them to Samaria where Israel's king was. Oh, the boldness of one who truly KNOWS God is with him! Finally, Israel's king asks if he should kill this army but Elisha prepares a great feast for them and scripture says "after they had finished eating and drinking, he sent them away, and they returned to their master." I must say, Elisha certainly sees things differently from me. Not often do I invite one who is seeking bad for me into my home and feed them a feast! Yet, this is exactly what Elisha did and scripture says that the bands from Aram stopped raiding Israel's territory after that.

I often react out of emotion or habit. Elisha reacted out of faith and trust in God. He knew that, despite how things looked to his servant's human eye, God was the one who reigned. The same is true today. All around we see bad things happening... lies, theft, abuse, pain, neglect, abuse, denial of responsibility, divorce, sickness, earthquakes... our eyes are limited to this physical world. Yet, God sees something different. God sees what we cannot see and knows what we do not know. Let us rest in knowing that when what we see looks completely hopeless, He has surrounded us with horses and chariots of fire to defend us.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding me that what I see is only part of the story. Open my eyes to see what only you can see in the circumstances of life. Help me to find rest in you alone. You are my rock and my salvation, my fortress. Let me not be shaken by what I hear in this life. Give me faith to trust in you at all times, run to you as my place of refuge and pour my heart out to you.

A few additional verses that lifted me up this morning:

Psalm 62:5-8
Philippians 3:13-14
Psalm 127:13-14
Psalm 124
Hebrews 12:15