Father's Day

As I read through facebook on days like Mother's Day or Father's Day I have mixed feelings. There are many that post loving things about the wonderful people in their lives but others are silent.... and then some are not at all silent. One status I read today from a friend that does not have a relationship with her father was meant in humor but the truth hurt my heart "Dad, our relationship means the world to my therapist." I know that she laughed when she posted it but this was not the kind of relationship that dad's are supposed to have with their kids. Another status talked about how her biological father was a let down. Yet she showed gratitude toward another man who'd filled the role of "daddy." Her status had no intended humor, just courageous transparency. I, myself, struggle with this too. I have two dads and to the confusion of everyone I know, I call them both "Dad."

When I was nineteen months old my mother was a single parent to my brother and myself and she met a man that would change our lives in countless ways. I don't know much about their time of courtship but I do know that he, very soon, became my dad. Charles Michael Houston welcomed my brother and me into his heart and gave us his name, his home, his family, his love, his faith... his everything. I remember crying in his arms in the wee hours of the morning because my legs hurt so bad from growing pains and sitting on the barn steps, being so mad at my mom as a teen, listening to him tell me that it was just because she loved me so much and that one day I'd understand. I remember his face when he was hurt over my lying to him but I remember him beaming with pride many many times more. In every possible way, he was my dad and I absolutely delight in talking with him now even more than I did then! I love to hear what he things about life issues and I love to hear him talk about the "good ole days."

Dad, I don't know if you'll ever read this but God chose the perfect dad to raise me. I have told you that many times. He used you to bring me to Him. You are a great example of what it means to be a dad and I love you! Thank you for accepting us into your life and modeling what it means to be a man. You sat at the dinner table every night and took us to church every Sunday. More importantly, you hugged us, disciplined us and loved us unconditionally. You have given me more than words an express in an ordinary day-to-day life. Thank you!

When I was twenty I made a phone call that changed my life. At that time I worked for MCI at a calling center and got free long distance after we got off work. At a desk in that office I called my biological dad for the first time. My stepmom answered the phone, I'm sure wondering what woman was calling so late and asking for her husband. As soon as I said my name, her voice changed and she asked "Are you okay, Honey?" I loved her right then. Dad and I talked for thirty minutes but I have no idea what was said. Prior to my call I had no idea what kind of relationship I expected to come from it but something inside of me told me that I just had to forgive him for leaving. I know now that something to be God's Holy Spirit. Over the next few weeks I called a few times but it was one particular call that stands out more than others. I didn't talk to Dad that day. A young very southern accent answered that day and after I'd asked for Mitch she replied "Ma'am, he's not feeling well. Can I take a message?" I wish you could hear me tell the story because her sweet little southern drawl just makes the story! I told her who I was and she, obviously shocked, replied "Do you know who this is?" I said "Is this Harriett?" which was one of the two younger sisters I knew existed but had never met... and honestly, wasn't sure I wanted to meet. Then she said words that cut straight to my soul "This is your sister and I've waited my whole life to talk to you." I cried. No, I bawled. Truly, I'd been so jealous of her that I'd hated her and in that moment every ounce disappeared into thin air. I had another sister and she loved me. Words cannot adequately express how that realization changed me. I later met my other sister, Anna and was blown away when she chose to spend all of her report card reward to buy me a bunny rabbit piggy bank. Love, just love and it blew me away. In the seventeen years since I made that call, I have been grateful for the leading to do it so many times. Not once have I regretted it. In my choosing to forgive, God gave me, not just another dad, but another family and complete healing.

Dad, I know that it's sometimes difficult to look back at all we've missed out on but I KNOW that God knew what he was doing. You, too, have given me so much for which I am grateful! For example, I know that right now you're thinking "Yea, your good looks!" and it makes me smile because I do love that I look like you. I was blown away by some of my personality traits and loves that somehow made it from you to me. Who'd have thought that a love for reading and nature and the ability to make sure that no one EVER cries alone could be inherited! We wear our hearts on our sleeves and it ties me to you. I love it and I love you.

I know that Father's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, Wedding Anniversaries that were destroyed by divorce.... they're all hard sometimes but I'm grateful for every one of them, especially when they're hard. For they're a reminder that my home is not here, but in heaven. They're opportunities for me to rely on the strength of my Heavenly Father and draw near to him. I'm grateful for everything that causes me to do that, for in Him I can trust, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that whatever has happened has passed through His hands and has been to benefit me in some way that, possibly, only He can see and I trust in what He can see.

Gracious, I just realized that I was about to wrap this up without recognizing my sweet husband and father to my beautiful children. Chris Peyton, I have told you time and again that I'm certain God made you just for me and I mean it! He also made you for these wonderful kids of ours and them for you. I love to watch you with them! I feel like we're both learning something every day from them and there's no one on this earth I'd rather be walking through this parenting journey with than you. You're funny, smart, and so good-looking... I'm not sure what that has to do with parenting but I felt you'd want to hear it anyway. ;) You have the kind of relationship with our kids that a dad is supposed to have! You model good things in front of them and continue to do those good things when they're not looking. You sacrifice for them. You giggle with them and you hold them accountable. You tell them you love them and you hug them all the time. I love you Chris and I'm so grateful you chose me to be your wife and the mother of your children. Thank you!!!

Lessons I learned in kindergarten... and third grade...

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!

I remember sitting in my car a year ago overwhelmed by the fact that once Gavin walked out of the preschool building I would have a kindergartner. I had been so concerned that he just wasn't ready. He was still so wild and crazy sometimes but he had shown signs of maturing in the spring and he'd been reading for over a year so I didn't feel like I had a choice. A bored, hyper little boy is a definite recipe for disaster!

For Madeline, I was ready for third grade. First had been so traumatic with her struggling greatly to find one friend. I hated first grade for her. I hated her first grade year for me. Moms should not have to hold their baby girls who are sobbing while asking "Mom, when will I have a friend who likes me?" Second grade was chaotic, with her teacher being released from his job, but Madeline walked away with friends... good friends and that mattered more to me than her reading level!

This was the first year I had both kids in school and I hope they learned as much as I did!



This year I have learned:

If you begin to instruct them to do things that they cannot do because they are young and you patiently stay consistent, everyday lovingly encouraging them, kids can do immeasurably more than I ever dreamed! Gavin's daddy has done this very very well and I'm VERY VERY grateful! Daddy's ARE so important to little boys.

To any dad out there in cyber-world that might take the time to read this: you are sculpting a MAN and you have the power to shape him into a good one. Take your job VERY SERIOUSLY because that little bitty guy watches you more than you can know!

Boys just play differently. They do! I already knew this but a year of kindergarten recess taught me that "spinning" is not spinning if you have your "Batman wings" out. It's way tougher then. Boys believe in fairy tales too and when they see a common girl marry a prince and become a princess, it makes them want to marry a princess... and kiss her! Kindergarten boys can be obsessed with kissing and it makes them giggle like crazy! Teachers are not quite as important as dads... but they're closer than I thought! I knew this too but this year confirmed it for me. Gavin can love another woman and still love his mommy just the same! This year that woman was his amazing kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Crawford and we're both going to have to go back and visit her!

I have learned that if you have failed to convince a kid that the not-so-fun thing you want them to do is not important, they won't do it... at least my daughter won't if it is timed math! It doesn't matter that she's super good at math and can totally do it. Because she knows it's not for a grade and she doesn't like it, it doesn't matter to her. I learned this year that I'm the type of mom that doesn't care about timed math either. If you teach a girl that being a "diva" is not cool and you model good relationships for her and non-diva behavior, she will get up from the table at lunch and go sit with the boys because "they're not so dramatic." If you are a good friend to your child... DISCLAIMER: THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU DO NOT DISCIPLINE THEM

... and you make time to really listen and talk with them about their life, it will teach them how to be a good friend and they'll know exactly what to say to a friend in a difficult situation. It does not, however, matter how much you model keeping your hair out of your face. Some kids just enjoy looking through their hair and walking around looking like "Cousin It." I have learned that this makes me positively insane but that I need to be wiser about the battles I choose. Loving discipline can leave one child crazy mad while another will look you in the face and say "You're a nice mom" despite the fact that you did not give them what they wanted. Which child is which will change from day to day... your loving discipline should not change from day to day. "Mommy-skills" are not defined by the reaction of children... even though it totally feels that way! I am now certain that one of the best things I can do as a mom is allow my kids to face the logical consequences of their actions. When I don't, I keep them from a wonderful learning opportunity. When I do, it hurts both of us like crazy and we'll both totally cry but it's so worth it when they come home wiser than they left!


Greatest lesson of kindergarten and third grade for this mommy:

My children are not defined by their occasional... or sometimes not so occasional bad choices. They are a culmination of actions, inactions, attitudes, feelings, beliefs, and all of those change from day to day. To define them by just one of those would be ridiculous. It would show my ignorance. It would frustrate them and limit them terribly.

Fabulously, this means that I am not defined by my occasional... or sometimes not so occasional bad choices. I am a culmination of actions, inactions, attitudes, feelings, beliefs, and some of those change from day to day. To define me by one of those would be ridiculous. It would show my ignorance. It would frustrate me and limit me terribly.


Well, in a few short hours we'll move on to first and fourth grade. I remember going into fourth grade myself, thinking I was SOOOOO old. For the record, I still think fourth grade seems old! Ohwell, we have a whole summer to get ready for it!