Father's Day

As I read through facebook on days like Mother's Day or Father's Day I have mixed feelings. There are many that post loving things about the wonderful people in their lives but others are silent.... and then some are not at all silent. One status I read today from a friend that does not have a relationship with her father was meant in humor but the truth hurt my heart "Dad, our relationship means the world to my therapist." I know that she laughed when she posted it but this was not the kind of relationship that dad's are supposed to have with their kids. Another status talked about how her biological father was a let down. Yet she showed gratitude toward another man who'd filled the role of "daddy." Her status had no intended humor, just courageous transparency. I, myself, struggle with this too. I have two dads and to the confusion of everyone I know, I call them both "Dad."

When I was nineteen months old my mother was a single parent to my brother and myself and she met a man that would change our lives in countless ways. I don't know much about their time of courtship but I do know that he, very soon, became my dad. Charles Michael Houston welcomed my brother and me into his heart and gave us his name, his home, his family, his love, his faith... his everything. I remember crying in his arms in the wee hours of the morning because my legs hurt so bad from growing pains and sitting on the barn steps, being so mad at my mom as a teen, listening to him tell me that it was just because she loved me so much and that one day I'd understand. I remember his face when he was hurt over my lying to him but I remember him beaming with pride many many times more. In every possible way, he was my dad and I absolutely delight in talking with him now even more than I did then! I love to hear what he things about life issues and I love to hear him talk about the "good ole days."

Dad, I don't know if you'll ever read this but God chose the perfect dad to raise me. I have told you that many times. He used you to bring me to Him. You are a great example of what it means to be a dad and I love you! Thank you for accepting us into your life and modeling what it means to be a man. You sat at the dinner table every night and took us to church every Sunday. More importantly, you hugged us, disciplined us and loved us unconditionally. You have given me more than words an express in an ordinary day-to-day life. Thank you!

When I was twenty I made a phone call that changed my life. At that time I worked for MCI at a calling center and got free long distance after we got off work. At a desk in that office I called my biological dad for the first time. My stepmom answered the phone, I'm sure wondering what woman was calling so late and asking for her husband. As soon as I said my name, her voice changed and she asked "Are you okay, Honey?" I loved her right then. Dad and I talked for thirty minutes but I have no idea what was said. Prior to my call I had no idea what kind of relationship I expected to come from it but something inside of me told me that I just had to forgive him for leaving. I know now that something to be God's Holy Spirit. Over the next few weeks I called a few times but it was one particular call that stands out more than others. I didn't talk to Dad that day. A young very southern accent answered that day and after I'd asked for Mitch she replied "Ma'am, he's not feeling well. Can I take a message?" I wish you could hear me tell the story because her sweet little southern drawl just makes the story! I told her who I was and she, obviously shocked, replied "Do you know who this is?" I said "Is this Harriett?" which was one of the two younger sisters I knew existed but had never met... and honestly, wasn't sure I wanted to meet. Then she said words that cut straight to my soul "This is your sister and I've waited my whole life to talk to you." I cried. No, I bawled. Truly, I'd been so jealous of her that I'd hated her and in that moment every ounce disappeared into thin air. I had another sister and she loved me. Words cannot adequately express how that realization changed me. I later met my other sister, Anna and was blown away when she chose to spend all of her report card reward to buy me a bunny rabbit piggy bank. Love, just love and it blew me away. In the seventeen years since I made that call, I have been grateful for the leading to do it so many times. Not once have I regretted it. In my choosing to forgive, God gave me, not just another dad, but another family and complete healing.

Dad, I know that it's sometimes difficult to look back at all we've missed out on but I KNOW that God knew what he was doing. You, too, have given me so much for which I am grateful! For example, I know that right now you're thinking "Yea, your good looks!" and it makes me smile because I do love that I look like you. I was blown away by some of my personality traits and loves that somehow made it from you to me. Who'd have thought that a love for reading and nature and the ability to make sure that no one EVER cries alone could be inherited! We wear our hearts on our sleeves and it ties me to you. I love it and I love you.

I know that Father's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, Wedding Anniversaries that were destroyed by divorce.... they're all hard sometimes but I'm grateful for every one of them, especially when they're hard. For they're a reminder that my home is not here, but in heaven. They're opportunities for me to rely on the strength of my Heavenly Father and draw near to him. I'm grateful for everything that causes me to do that, for in Him I can trust, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that whatever has happened has passed through His hands and has been to benefit me in some way that, possibly, only He can see and I trust in what He can see.

Gracious, I just realized that I was about to wrap this up without recognizing my sweet husband and father to my beautiful children. Chris Peyton, I have told you time and again that I'm certain God made you just for me and I mean it! He also made you for these wonderful kids of ours and them for you. I love to watch you with them! I feel like we're both learning something every day from them and there's no one on this earth I'd rather be walking through this parenting journey with than you. You're funny, smart, and so good-looking... I'm not sure what that has to do with parenting but I felt you'd want to hear it anyway. ;) You have the kind of relationship with our kids that a dad is supposed to have! You model good things in front of them and continue to do those good things when they're not looking. You sacrifice for them. You giggle with them and you hold them accountable. You tell them you love them and you hug them all the time. I love you Chris and I'm so grateful you chose me to be your wife and the mother of your children. Thank you!!!

Lessons I learned in kindergarten... and third grade...

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!

I remember sitting in my car a year ago overwhelmed by the fact that once Gavin walked out of the preschool building I would have a kindergartner. I had been so concerned that he just wasn't ready. He was still so wild and crazy sometimes but he had shown signs of maturing in the spring and he'd been reading for over a year so I didn't feel like I had a choice. A bored, hyper little boy is a definite recipe for disaster!

For Madeline, I was ready for third grade. First had been so traumatic with her struggling greatly to find one friend. I hated first grade for her. I hated her first grade year for me. Moms should not have to hold their baby girls who are sobbing while asking "Mom, when will I have a friend who likes me?" Second grade was chaotic, with her teacher being released from his job, but Madeline walked away with friends... good friends and that mattered more to me than her reading level!

This was the first year I had both kids in school and I hope they learned as much as I did!



This year I have learned:

If you begin to instruct them to do things that they cannot do because they are young and you patiently stay consistent, everyday lovingly encouraging them, kids can do immeasurably more than I ever dreamed! Gavin's daddy has done this very very well and I'm VERY VERY grateful! Daddy's ARE so important to little boys.

To any dad out there in cyber-world that might take the time to read this: you are sculpting a MAN and you have the power to shape him into a good one. Take your job VERY SERIOUSLY because that little bitty guy watches you more than you can know!

Boys just play differently. They do! I already knew this but a year of kindergarten recess taught me that "spinning" is not spinning if you have your "Batman wings" out. It's way tougher then. Boys believe in fairy tales too and when they see a common girl marry a prince and become a princess, it makes them want to marry a princess... and kiss her! Kindergarten boys can be obsessed with kissing and it makes them giggle like crazy! Teachers are not quite as important as dads... but they're closer than I thought! I knew this too but this year confirmed it for me. Gavin can love another woman and still love his mommy just the same! This year that woman was his amazing kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Crawford and we're both going to have to go back and visit her!

I have learned that if you have failed to convince a kid that the not-so-fun thing you want them to do is not important, they won't do it... at least my daughter won't if it is timed math! It doesn't matter that she's super good at math and can totally do it. Because she knows it's not for a grade and she doesn't like it, it doesn't matter to her. I learned this year that I'm the type of mom that doesn't care about timed math either. If you teach a girl that being a "diva" is not cool and you model good relationships for her and non-diva behavior, she will get up from the table at lunch and go sit with the boys because "they're not so dramatic." If you are a good friend to your child... DISCLAIMER: THIS DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU DO NOT DISCIPLINE THEM

... and you make time to really listen and talk with them about their life, it will teach them how to be a good friend and they'll know exactly what to say to a friend in a difficult situation. It does not, however, matter how much you model keeping your hair out of your face. Some kids just enjoy looking through their hair and walking around looking like "Cousin It." I have learned that this makes me positively insane but that I need to be wiser about the battles I choose. Loving discipline can leave one child crazy mad while another will look you in the face and say "You're a nice mom" despite the fact that you did not give them what they wanted. Which child is which will change from day to day... your loving discipline should not change from day to day. "Mommy-skills" are not defined by the reaction of children... even though it totally feels that way! I am now certain that one of the best things I can do as a mom is allow my kids to face the logical consequences of their actions. When I don't, I keep them from a wonderful learning opportunity. When I do, it hurts both of us like crazy and we'll both totally cry but it's so worth it when they come home wiser than they left!


Greatest lesson of kindergarten and third grade for this mommy:

My children are not defined by their occasional... or sometimes not so occasional bad choices. They are a culmination of actions, inactions, attitudes, feelings, beliefs, and all of those change from day to day. To define them by just one of those would be ridiculous. It would show my ignorance. It would frustrate them and limit them terribly.

Fabulously, this means that I am not defined by my occasional... or sometimes not so occasional bad choices. I am a culmination of actions, inactions, attitudes, feelings, beliefs, and some of those change from day to day. To define me by one of those would be ridiculous. It would show my ignorance. It would frustrate me and limit me terribly.


Well, in a few short hours we'll move on to first and fourth grade. I remember going into fourth grade myself, thinking I was SOOOOO old. For the record, I still think fourth grade seems old! Ohwell, we have a whole summer to get ready for it!

Last week of school!!!

Today is the last Monday of the 2010-2011 school year. It is the last Monday that I will have a third grader and a kindergartner. Somehow, not having a kindergartner AND having a fourth grader just makes them seem... so... soo BIG! Oh how I hate that! As I look forward to the full NINE WEEKS of summer that we get for the first time since Madeline has been school-age, I think back to what we've learned, even just this past week.

Dearest Madeline,
You are a sweet angel and I love you more every single day! This week brought a tough lesson for you and me. Thursday morning rolled around and even though I'd asked several times if you had your biography paper rewritten to turn in, you went to school with it not finished. I so desperately wanted to let you go in late and finish it so that it wouldn't be late. It wasn't that I wanted to let you go free of consequence but that I initially wanted to do the consequence at home... and then God spoke words to my heart that I did not want to hear. "Love and Logic. What would the logical consequences of her actions be?" Oh, it so broke my heart because I knew how much it broke yours. I talked with Mrs. Rothman and we agreed on the consequence of your being sent to the office to finish the paper because you'd simply chosen to not work at all while at school. You cried and cried about having to go to the principal's office and my heart shattered at the thought of leaving you at school crying. Every morning my goal is to get you off to school on a happy note and ready to face the day. This is the first time you've gone into JWE crying and I just hated it! "I'm not a bad kid" you said about your trip to the office. "No, sweetheart, you're not but you made a bad choice and bad choices have consequences." I know that you understood that you earned the consequences that you would face but just in case I told you again how wonderfully God made you and how proud I am of who you are... not the choice to refuse to do your work... but who you are as a person. I am proud of you Madeline. You have the most giving heart of any person I've ever met. You really are comfortable in your own skin and I wish I was more like you... especially now that it's swimsuit season! You faced your consequence, worked hard while you were there and you did not complain. Allowing you to face the logical consequence to your action taught us both. You learned that you cannot simply not work because you don't feel like it. I learned that my job is not to protect you from everything... and sometimes to let you hurt. For if I keep you from every single painful experience, you will never learn, grow or mature. I love you way too much for that!

Today you came and confessed a mistake to me. Again, I held you accountable by not letting you do what you knew you should not and then took some time to cuddle you. When you walked away you kissed me and said "You're a nice mom." You, my sweet girl, are an amazing human being and I am so grateful that I have the privilege of being your mom!

Sweet Funny Gavin,
I had so much fun with you on your field trip last Monday. It was with your third grade buddy whose name I can never remember but he was a sweet kid. It was fun to see how he took care of you throughout the day. You were in full out "Gavin mode" running full force and getting into everything. You even took a walk straight into one of the water gardens in the Climatron at the Botanical Gardens. We all laughed but you did not see as much humor until a couple of days later. You were sensitive, like you sometimes are. You certainly are a vast array of emotions at times. It's hard to know what's going to come from you but I know that whatever it is, it's coming straight from your heart... anger from a sometimes selfish heart... sadness from an embarrassed heart... silliness from a confident heart... or laughter from a full heart. No matter what it is, you always want to know the same thing "Are you accepted and loved?" I fear that you get this from me... this uncertainty about being loved. Not that I haven't loved you but that it's some weird part of my genome that you've had the misfortune to inherit... I wonder the same about your short fuse. I pray that you know that you ARE loved... and not just by me. Everywhere we go people know and adore you. From the time you began Mother's Day Out people have been stopping us at stores to say hi to you. You have an excitement and fun-loving spirit about you and people genuinely like being with you. As your mom, it's so fun to see and I just wonder what God's intention for you is. At your kindergarten program this week you said that when you grow up you want to be "an army man." I wonder if you will. You've almost always chosen a profession that protects others... firefighter, police and army man have been the most consistent. Whatever God intends for you, I pray that you'll listen to Him and follow with unwavering confidence that He created you just for that purpose and with Him, you cannot fail and I pray that you'll know that you are loved with a love that never ever ends!



So, onward we go to the summer. In four days I'll be a mom to a first grader and a fourth grader and I can't wait!

One piece at a time... it's all you can do.

"Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." James 1:22

I remember, as a kid, going to the basement countless times to take shelter in case of a tornado but it seems like it's happening more regularly this year. For the record, I am not enjoying it but have not lost anything or anyone that I personally know to the storms so far. Crazily, it seems like it could be more of a "when" not "if" kind of thing with the number of devastating tornadoes that have happened in the last few months. I hug my people a little tighter these days but I know that there are so many that cannot do the same because their people are now gone... stolen from them in an instant. Even more have lost their homes. Last month, an area of St. Louis was hit but we were lucky; there were no fatalities. Seriously, we have been VERY lucky!

Just a few days following the tornado in St. Louis hundreds were killed in the south. I remember the next morning being on the phone with a friend and at the beginning of the ten minute conversation the death toll was 85 and by the time we finished it was 135. It continued to climb. The final count for the tornado that hit Joplin, MO yesterday is yet to be known. Again, I know that my people there are okay... well, alive and physically unharmed anyway but so many are not. Many are wailing from their great loss and I wonder what we will all do. Will we sit around and talk about how awful it is or will we do something?



Here are a few things that I know are taking place right now:

One Outfit: put together one outfit from each person in your home to donate to people in Joplin

Calvary Church is putting together a team of people to go to Joplin for the weekend, call the church for info: 636.939.4343

Donations: you can drop off bottled water, diapers, clothes, etc to Calvary Church and they will take it with them this weekend.


After last month's local tornado, I spent a day off volunteering with Service International and my sweet friends Ripper and Bo cleaning up one home that was decimated here. I was so grateful to have Ripper and Bo with me. We didn't really talk much but having a familiar face to make eye contact with between trips back and forth was really nice. We started our day on a small bus and were dropped of with the instruction to "go over the hill and you'll see what to do." We certainly did. Once on top of the hill, we found ourselves looking into the back of what was left of someone's home and right into their nursery. They changing table was still there but the crib was gone. We saw what was the first floor of one house... nothing was left but the stove and the bathtub. That house had many many people working so our small group wandered over to another house and began to just pick up one piece at a time. That's really all you could do. One might think that you'd get emotional as you pick up kids' toys, cookbooks, photographs of happy couples and the like but there simply isn't time for emotion. One piece at a time... it's all you can do.

The following pictures were taken that day with my iphone.

Dear 16 year old me...

This idea is not my own but came from Deb Schwedhelm who is a photographer now living in FL. I do not know Deb but am very often moved by things she says on her blog. Regardless, it made me think about all the many things I'd say to myself if I could speak to the 16 year old me... You see, I know that, in part, my mistakes shaped who I am now and I'm certain that God simply allowed negative things in my lives and bad decisions to take place so that I could have a greater understanding of who He is... and that REALLY DOES make it worth it. To quote my pastor, Terry Sanderson, "you don't know that Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you've got." I've been there. I know what it means to cry out in the depths of pain just wanting relief however it may come.... though not in the same way or for the same reason for the people in this video... yet, there are just a few things I wish I'd done differently that I'll share after the video.



Dear 16 year old me,

Blue eyeshadow does not look good on you no matter how many people tell you that it brings out your blue eyes... neither does pink or green. Baggy pants that practically come all the way to your armpits do not look good on your skinny frame either... but I guess that's all they sold in 1990 so go with it. Lay off the Aqua Net. It might make for funny pictures later but you, singlehandedly, caused a hole in the ozone layer... perhaps a slight exaggeration but you're pretty hard headed. Seriously... SERIOUSLY, get out of the stinkin' tanning bed!!! You do not need to go to Aunt LaDawn's to tan for an hour so that you'll look hot at prom! Smart girls do not tan for an hour, nor do they lay out with baby oil and tin foil so stop it pale white girl! You do not have your momma's beautiful Native American skin! (For the record, you'll have to remind your 37 year old self of this too because she'll still want to be tan!)

Just two more things... You are stronger than you know because even when you don't act like it, you know from where your strength comes and it is Jesus. Never lose that as it will be your lifeline. His glory is actually why you were born, not yours. Finally, spend more time with your grandparents. You cannot even imagine how much you'll miss them when they're gone.

Huh? Tuesday letters???

Yes, Yes, Yes, I know it is Tuesday but Sunday was busy and I forgot... ;)

Dear Madeline,
On Sunday you completed your very first 5K race and received a medal for your hard work! I know that you don't like to sweat or exert energy but you did great and I am sooo proud of you! Thank you for letting me run with you... not that I gave you a choice. On Saturday you played all day with Alaina while Ben was at the hospital and were such a helper. If it didn't mean that I'd have to be pregnant and that there'd be another kid living in my house, I'd think you totally need a baby sister!

Dear Gavin,
You were so proud of Madeline after the race that you said "Sissy, you are amazing!" and my heart melted. I know that sometimes you guys fight and punch each other... and make me totally insane... but it's those moments that melt my heart. I love the way you two love each other! You have prayed so many times for your friend Ben since you found out he was at the hospital. You are not at all happy about his being there. When we left from visiting, we didn't even get to the car before you said "I miss Ben. I want him to get well and come home." The depth of your heart is vast and I know God is going to use that one day!

Dear Chris,
I love you. Thanks for taking Gavin to all of his stuff on Saturday so that we could be helpful to our friends. The size of your heart reminds me of your son's... though neither of you like for anyone to know it. In a thousand ways, you are my hero!

Extended Mother's Day...

Being a mother is a job that I take seriously. In fact, I think I take it more seriously than any other position I've held. I believe that it is a position in which I have an opportunity to influence, not only today and tomorrow, but generations to come. Seriously, how many "real world jobs" give that kind of opportunity? Sure, there are some but most simply do not. That is a reality. I pray that my efforts in this position will change future generations for the better, in a way that they will have a greater grasp on why they exist and how to live a life of purpose.

Another reality is that being a mother is, VERY OFTEN, a thankless job where you feel invisible. I do not see someone standing by the hamper to thank me when I put the clothes that I just picked up from the bedroom floor... nor do I see anyone in the bedroom to thank me either. When I scrub the toilets I do not receive a plaque that says how great a job I've done nor is there one for when I sweep the floors. The days that I've gotten in the shower to clean off the vomit that the sick child in my arms just spewed all over her and me, I didn't see anyone cheering in the corner. When a certain someone, or another someone, is throwing an outlandish fit that makes me wish desperately for a job in a cubical where I could maybe put on some headphones and listen to some nice music and just feel like I've accomplished something worthwhile, there is no one standing there to say "THIS is what it's about!"

Don't get me wrong here. My husband is wonderful and he helps around the house more than nearly any man I know and my kids are sweet and wonderful and they do say thank you for A LOT! It's still easy, though, to feel like my work around the house is for nothing. The hamper will be full again by the time the clothes get hung. They floor is dirty as soon as I sweep the pile into the dustpan. The discussions that I have with my kids will need to be had again in a few days. They will need to be reminded to put on socks, brush their teeth for the third time because they didn't get them clean the first two. They will have privileges taken away for their crummy attitudes and disrespectful faces... and then it will all happen again. And if I'm not careful to keep my mind on WHY I'M HERE and what MY PURPOSE is, it is easy to FEEL like it's for nothing. This morning, however, there were two big reminders for me that I wanted to share... just in case there are other mothers that sometimes feel like I do. The first came in a new song by Steven Curtis Chapman and you can listen to it by clicking below:

Do Everything by Steven Curtis Chapman

The second came at the very end of a message by Mark Driscoll, a pastor in Seattle, WA. Here's a short bit from his transcript:

An Example for Women

And ladies, I want you to learn from the example of Mary. She said, “I am willing to be the Lord's servant,” and what was her ministry? Wife, mother. We live in this foolish day that tells young women: flirt, date, sleep around, cohabitate, fornicate, use birth control, have an abortion because the last thing you want is to get saddled with a child; if you want to really change the world, kids will get in the way. Mary said, “Actually, I'll be a mom. I'll raise this to a boy, his name will be Jesus, and that's my gift to the world.” She also raised another boy named Jude, he wrote a book of the Bible. She raised another boy named James, he too wrote a book of the Bible and pastored the early church in Jerusalem. Do you think at the end of her life she stood back and said, “Man, I really wish I would have achieved something. You know, my one son atoned for the sins of the world, the other one pastors the church in Jerusalem that is the epicenter for world missions, and two books of the Bible are written by my sons, and oh, by the way, I was numbered among the early church and I got to see the Holy Spirit fall on Pentecost and 3,000 added later and Luke interviewed me and I made it into a few books myself”? I don't think she had any regrets being a worshiper of God and a wife and a mother.

And some of you will hear that, and because Satan whispers in your ear, you'll hear, “Ah, so Mark doesn't love women and he thinks that women should be uneducated and they should all get pregnant,” and that's, you know what, that's not what I'm saying at all. I love my daughter with all my heart, she's very smart, a great student, I've got a college fund for her, I anticipate her to do exceedingly well in school as she always has, but you know what, I don't know what the Lord's call on her life is and if she comes to me and says, “Daddy, my calling is to be a wife and mother,” what I won't say is, “Ah, I'm so sorry to hear that, I wanted great things for you.” I would say, “Praise God, like Mary, be the Lord's servant and don't despise his calling on your life, let him write the script.”

...

I am always so grateful for the privilege of being a mother. In the difficult, mundane days when it feels like we're living in "Groundhog Day" let's remember that it is a calling, a great opportunity and even though we cannot SEE someone cheering us on, giving us accolade after accolade for what we're doing, there is ONE watching and He is thankful for a job well done. We are never invisible to him! So, let's "do everything you do to the glory of the one who made you" and "let him write the script!"